This article is courtesy of Christian Single magazine. (This link also is a great way to print out a copy)
Have you ever read Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland? I don’t recommend it. It’s very, very scary. Not the part about Alice’s seemingly endless fall. Or the mad tea party or the Cheshire cat. It’s that confounded white rabbit who says, “Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!”
The words reverberate through me. I wake up in cold sweats just thinking about them. But unlike Alice, I can’t get up the next morning and realize that it’s all been a dream.
You see, I’m living the nightmare. “I’m late, I’m late, for a very important date” is more than just a singable Disney melody. For me, it’s a way of life.
Confronting the White Rabbit
I’ve tried to confront my white rabbitness. At times, I’ve come to terms with it. Then I hear the voices crying for my attention:
“C’mon, Daddy.”
“Michael, are you coming?”
“Isn’t that article due today?”
I’m then duly reminded that tardiness is not a victimless crime. Its effects have repercussions that ripple through family life, friendships, and business ventures.
But what can I do? I’ve tried the setting-the-clock-ahead-15-minutes trick. Doesn’t work. Try as I might, I’m just not dumb enough to trick myself. Maybe I’m just wired this way – creative, right-scatterbrained. Is that so bad? What’s the worst that could happen? Maybe I’ll be late for my own funeral.
For practical advice, I turn from the storybooks and give my attention to a real-world "Alice." International speaker and author Alyce Cornyn-Selby, previously an award-winning corporate manager, tackles the self-imposed land mines that prevent success in her book What’s Your Sabotage? (Beynch Press). Among the challenging obstacles: reminding ourselves that “better late than never” is a changeable mantra.
“You don’t have to be the same person today that you were yesterday,” says Cornyn-Selby. “Most of us are leading our lives totally asleep. There are many people who, if they were really aware of their behavior, would change in a minute.”
Cornyn-Selby tells the story of a certain partner in a large architectural firm who constantly procrastinated. He was always slow in getting information to his staff and as a consequence began to lose bidding for jobs. But because he was the boss, most of the employees were reluctant to confront him, save one who had the courage to tell the boss of the correlation between his tardiness and his irritated staff. The partner was clueless, and once aware, began to alter his occupational habits.
Eight Ways to Not Be Late
So, is it possible for a white rabbit to change his spots? Enter Cindi Ferrini, who lends assistance to the organizationally challenged through her Ohio-based company, Creative Management Fundamentals. Ferrini and Cornyn-Selby point out their tips for improving punctuality.
1. Other people first. “It’s a Christian principle,” explains Ferrini. “Think of the other person first. How does your tardiness affect someone else and how would it affect you if you were constantly waiting on another person?”
Cornyn-Selby concurs: “Just like the architectural partner, often a person isn’t aware of the damage he is wreaking on people.”
2. Don’t live up to your reputation. Late behavior is reinforced through the way we think of ourselves. Change the external and internal messages you give yourself. How do you avoid living up to your reputation?
“Cary Grant once said, ‘I pretended to be the person I wanted to be, so I became that person,’” says Cornyn-Selby. “Pretend to be a person who is on time. Eventually, you absorb the message that you are a person who is on time, and you become that person.”
3. Have a purpose. “Having a purpose gives you a clear objective,” says Ferrini. “If you are consistently late, perhaps those meetings or events may not be something you enjoy or deem essential to your day. Determine ahead of time what’s important to you.”
“Ask yourself, ‘What are the two crucial tasks I want to get done today, no matter what?’” says Cornyn-Selby. Do those two things and “at the end of the day, you’ll feel a sense of accomplishment instead of defeat.”
4. Buffer your time. Say your day’s tasks include taking a friend to the airport, picking up clothes from the cleaners, wallpapering the bathroom, finishing the project due for work tomorrow, and chaperoning the youth lock-in at church. Seem far-fetched? “To do all of those things and avoid being late, you have to calculate that absolutely nothing will go wrong,” says Cornyn-Selby. If there is a hitch, then the other tasks get pushed back, causing you to be pressed for time.
Ferrini’s advice: Schedule “buffer time” in your day, allotting extra minutes to catch up when you fall behind, allowing for the urgency of emergency.
5. Reward yourself. “Being prompt is like housework,” explains Cornyn-Selby. “If you don’t do it, everybody notices. And if you do it, nobody notices.” No one hands out plaudits for punctuality, so start your own reward system. “Bubble baths, CDs, chocolates, a favorite book – to be on time, what is the motivating factor for you?” asks Cornyn-Selby.
6. Know the meaning of no. Overcommitment is another match to light the fuel of tardiness. Ferrini suggests avoiding unreal expectations: “When we learn to say no, we learn to realize what to expect and what not to expect. If you’re asked to plan the singles retreat and you already know you’re putting in more hours at work this month, it’s not likely you will effectively accomplish that task.”
To learn the art of saying no, Ferrini says, “Ask yourself, ‘What is my motivation in saying yes?’ Seek counsel from those who can help you logically sort out your time. Above all, pray about your motivations, plans, purposes, goals, and schedule.”
7. Plan your life backwards. “A schedule is like preparing a meal,” explains Ferrini. “Dinner is at six. The roast needs to be in the oven three hours, the potato for one hour. It works the same way with time management. What is the menu of your day? If you have to be out the door at noon, work backwards from that point and determine how much time it will take to be prepared so you can be prompt to your next appointment.”
8. Share the load. Once you plan, don’t forget to delegate. “If you have a roommate and you both have to be at the same place at 3:00 p.m., who can load the car at noon?” asks Ferrini. “Delegation is universal: You can use it at work, in ministry and in the home.”
Not Too Little or Too Late
No matter how old or young you are, you have the ability to change. One of the best ways, says Cornyn-Selby, is to be accountable and supportive.
“If you have a friend who reveals he has a problem with lateness, ask him, ‘How can I help you? How can I support you in your effort to overcome lateness?’ Do you realize how few of us offer to do this? We don’t say this enough to each other: ‘What can I do for you?’”
In the meantime, what we can do for ourselves – setting priorities on our time – will go a long way in overcoming the tardiness battle. “Every day, we dole out tiny parcels and portions of ourselves to others,” says Cornyn-Selby. “Then at the end of the week, we find that we are no closer to getting where we want to go. You are not a victim. You have the ability to be in control of your time.” |
